Harmonious Homes

When there is harmony in the home, there is order in the nation. When there is order in the nation, there is peace in the world.” – A.P.J. Abdul Kalam.

These inspiring lines of Dr. Kalam keeps reminding me that, when we are able to create a harmonious home, we indirectly contribute to world-peace.

How do we make sure there is harmony at home? Here are a few tips:

1. According to Dr. Kalam, practicing righteousness plays a vital role. When we are righteous, we support, preach and propagate the right ideologies to our family which will contribute to harmony at home.

2. Empathy is the key to strong and  successful relationships. Being empathetic means to understand  others and their perspectives, fitting ourself in their shoes and being kind and considerate to them. Strong relationships contribute to harmonious homes.

3. To be empathetic, the key factor is to listen carefully to others. Unfortunately we humans love to talk and hate to listen :) . Listening cultivates trust and it helps us move to deeper levels of relationships with others.

4. Words have power to hurt, as well as heal. So beware of what you say. Thiruvalluvar in one of his thirukkural says, words from your tongue can create permanent scars on someone. Similarly, Rahim in his doha says, never allow the delicate thread of love to snap, because when you try to join them, you will end up with a knot. 

5. A home filled with harmony is a home where every member of the family has utmost respect to each other irrespective of the age and gender.

6. People with high conflict resolution skills are vital for harmonious homes. Remember, it is okay to, 'Agree to disagree and move on'.

To sum up, a 'harmonious home' does not mean that it has people with no differences of opinions. It rather means that the people are smart enough to handle their conflicts and build deeper trust and relationships with each other, thereby contributing indirectly to world-peace.

Checkmate

Introduction 

How many of you have ever played chess? In the game of chess there are 2 types of players. The one who plays the attacking game and the one who plays the defending game. Who do you think will win? Yes the attacker.

Contest Master, Toastmasters and my dear friends, don't you think our life is also like a game of chess? Every time we play the attacking game, we win.

10 years ago when I stepped into the corporate world, little did I know that I was going to be thrashed. In school or college I was not taught about corporate politics or how to play the attacking game.

Those days, when ever I got an escalation email, the first thought that would come to my mind was to convince myself that ' Yes, I would have made that mistake.' I would not even check whether I really did it and send an apology email defending myself with the excuse on the amount of work pressure.

 Everytime I defended, I was attacked! What happens when you heat and beat a piece of metal? Yes. It becomes better and better. I learnt to play my attacking game. 

10 years later, I was moved to a new project where we were replacing a bunch of managers from Europe. Ofcourse they were of Indian origin. They were loosing their job due to cost cutting. It was a matter of life or death for them. Richard Dawkins in The Selfish gene says that humans or any species for that matter will go to any extent for their and their genes survival. One of the manager was finding fault it each and every task I did. You can imagine that he would say 'since Kavitha sneezed today at 3pm all our deadlines were missed. 

I looked naive and inexperienced in my Teams profile pic. He mistook me to be an easy target. 

The art of war Sun Tzu says,

"Appear weak when you are strong and strong when you are weak."

I kept quite and observed the project and the people for 2 months. From the third month I started off my attacking game with an email. 

I got an email from him stating that I had hardly done any work in all these days and whatever I did was all wrong. It was a great opportunity for me to start my game. It was like  Podra bgm ah moment. I immediately copied his manager and my manager and gave the complete statistics in a table of the work I have done and the work he has missed. In the last line I indicated that I am calling him for a battle. I wrote, "With all this data, do you think your previous mail really makes sense?" While I was typing and clicking the send button, I felt myself like a King calling for war. It gave me a sense of excitement, pleasure and an adrenaline rush. I could hear the bgm.....

After sending that email I was eagerly waiting for a reply. Till date I have not received it. Checkmate.

In management we call this as a dog chase theory. When a dog chases you, you keep running. When you stop, stare and start chasing the dog, it might run.  But there is no guarantee that it might run away. It might also come and bite you. It depends upon the courage possessed by you and the dog. This is why Sun Tzu says 'Know your enemy'.

The same is depicted in a movie where vadivelu raises his knife and says ' If my enemy is scared of this knife  I am his master. If he takes a bigger knife then he is my master.

Conclusion:

The most important lesson from the book The art of war is that 

"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting" and 

"He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.”

So before playing your attacking game ask yourself these questions:

1.Am I honest and in the path of the righteous?

2. Is it possible to make your enemy your alley? Or is the fight inevitable?

In life the one who raises the sword first, wins the battle. If you think you are in the path of the righteous go ahead and raise the sword first. The world is for the righteous.